Terrible Teenagers>Terrible Toddlers
I remember as a new mom people with their unsolicited advice always warned me about the terrible twos (which start before they are two and definitely go past the age of two). Looking back I am now wondering why nobody warned me about these terrible teenage years? Sis, how long does this go on?? As a mother of three teenage boys and a preteen daughter (turns 13 in March), I am struggling, do you hear me. The attitudes, the mood swings, the selective listening, the laziness, the constant attempt to push limits…all I have to say is please send help. This post isn’t to help anyone because listen I don’t have the answers, but instead for us to join forces and cry together.
The biggest thing that makes teenagers harder than two year olds is the loss of control. I know that sounds a little harsh, but I am just expressing that your two year old pretty much still needs you for everything, thus you control their day. As your children get older they start to have their own schedules and the control shifts. All of a sudden their sports, hobbies, interests are now controlling your day. When children are two and under, besides a play date, they are aren’t involved in many activities. Hell, they are barely talking at that point. So, we still influence/control a lot of their decisions.
Willingness to listen and learn-Let’s face it in general, people struggle with truly being open to listen and learn. However, I feel like toddlers, the two year olds are very open to learning. In fact that age is really a learning phase. They are learning what things do, how to communicate and share their feelings, what they like and don’t like, and overall just becoming their own person. Lots of “NO’s” are vocalized at this age. In order to learn to communicate they have to listen. They listen to the way you talk. They definitely listen with their eyes and learn to do things from what they see others do, especially if they have older siblings. They may not want to do something, but they are still very much in a learning phase so chances are you can help them complete the task. As you are going through this phase with your toddler it feels like a lot, like why is everything so difficult. Well, they are just learning! That’s the easiest way to put it. Now the teenagers….. they are very selective with listening and learning. While they hear everything that you are saying whether or not they act on what they heard is highly questionable. This happens with toddlers too, but with teenagers it is intentional. Hence, me having to tell them to do something 3-4 times and not because they didn’t hear me, but more so whatever activity they are engaged in happens to be much more important than what I asked them to do. This gets old real fast. When one sibling sees the other do this, they think they can practice the same behavior. Heavy on the mom eye roll.
Attitudes/Mood Swings-In toddler behavior this is the tantrums or meltdowns that happen at random. Most of the time this happens when they are being told they can’t have something that they want, they are cranky and tired, and or they are just on one that day and don’t know how to express their feelings. You have seen those parents at the store struggling with their child because they have been told they can’t have something. At the time it feels so embarrassing, like you aren’t a good parent. However, it’s just something we go through. I remember when one of my children were about three we were at a family Christmas party and they had a melt down because they wanted some “cake,” but there was no cake where they were pointing. Turns out they thought the cornbread was the “cake.” After three minutes of the longest crying session they stopped crying after tasting the cornbread. Just like that, but in that moment trying to understand what they were asking for was hard. With teenagers you never know what word or statement is going to trigger a “mood.” You can be talking about the most random of things like decorating their room or sports and bam something sets them off. They now no longer want to talk right now. The conversing window has been closed and you will have to try again another time if you want to communicate effectively. For the most part I’m pretty patient, but I can be pretty straight forward. That combination with moody teenagers just doesn’t end well all of the time.
Eating Habits-Our toddlers are again in that learning phase. They are trying new foods. Developing taste buds and half the time just want to eat chips or French fries rather than the pasta that you cooked. However, my toddlers realized that this is what we were eating and the pasta would be eaten. As far as the amount of food that toddlers eat, it’s manageable even for the best eaters. I don’t know what happened to that openness, because 3/4 of my teenagers have a long list of stuff they won’t eat. I am a pasta eater, it’s one of my favorites outside of Thai food and 2/4 don’t like the red sauce and 2/4 don’t like Alfredo sauce. I mean come on people cut out all the nonsense. Trust me you do not want to deal with a hangry (hungry/angry) teenager that feels like you are trying to starve them even though you prepared two options for dinner. I don’t know where I went wrong. I remember what ever was prepared is what you ate when I was a kid. Now look at me trying to give options and it has come back to bite me. You can not even understand the amount of money I spend to feed these teenagers. I have groceries delivered from Walmart weekly and I go to Costco every 2 weeks. I swear I need a second job just to pay for all the food that they consume each week. Trust me, it is much easier to feed toddlers.
Sleep habits-Usually by two your toddlers are sleeping through the night. Although, the process to get them in the bed and to stay there can sometimes be daunting. Sometimes there are tantrums or crying fits as they fight their sleep because they just know they are going to miss out on something if they go to bed. Completely avoiding the fact that they are actually tired and in fact sleepy. Other times, they are in and out of your bed constantly until you just finally throw in the towel and accept you aren't sleeping well tonight. After all of that your toddlers then want to wake up promptly at 7am waiting on their breakfast. So much for thinking you would have a chance to sleep in. Teenagers on the other hand, while mine do have a bedtime during school, I may just pass out before them. Don’t judge me, I’m doing my best. With virtual school their day starts much later. The thing that irritates me about teenager sleep habits is that they sleep TOO much. How does your day start 2 hours later than normal, but you don’t want to get up? Why would you take a 3 hour nap on Saturday instead of doing your homework or you slept in until 1pm on Saturday? Really, is this real life. There is too much work to be done. You have had enough beauty sleep and your room is in fact a mess. Sigh.
Communication-Toddlers are still learning to communicate their feelings and to just communicate in general. They usually speak some words and sentences, mixed in with a little gibberish. One thing about toddlers is that they have no filter. They are quick to let everyone know something is stinky or gross. It’s fine for them to be honest, but it can be embarrassing because a toddler’s delivery is all bad. Communicating with teenagers is an art. Sometimes, it feels like you are negotiating with terrorists. It’s like why am I doing this again lol. It seems like a conversation can’t just be simple. They must have an alternate position than you, and how dare you disagree with them. On top of that, if I have to tell somebody to watch their mouth one more time?! Like you know that is inappropriate right. My daughter gives her brother’s the side eye so heavily about the things that fall out of their mouth. I’m not even owning that, they have their own opinions and thoughts at this point. I just do my best to question their line of thinking and redirect some of their shenanigans.
Sleep overs/Mall/out of house activities-Aside from the occasional play date that you set up, your toddler doesn't have many activities outside of the house. Teenagers om the other hand are always begging to go somewhere. Planning entire outings with no money or transportation. Make that make sense? Allowing them freedom once or twice is never enough. They want to go constantly. Never mind if their chores aren’t completed, homework isn’t done, or that you already said no. It is also the end of the world when they realize you really meant no. Insert the attitude because it is visiting all day. Just know that the pandemic has exacerbated these issues because everyone is so tired of being home and being around each other at this point.
Messy-Toddlers have been known to dump out every toy in the toy box. Knock down all the clothes you folded. Some are little tornadoes just knocking everything down that comes in their path. They are also reluctant to pick up their mess. You definitely have to help as well as oversee the clean up process with your toddlers. It always feels like you could have done it yourself, but their is value in cleaning with them. Teenagers on the other hand smell, they smell terrible. Teenage boy’s especially. I mean just disgusting. My boy’s have a whole basement that consists of their own Kid’s Cave, 2 bedrooms, and a bathroom. Chile be careful going down there at the wrong time, because you might lose some nose hairs. They are absolutely more than capable of cleaning after themselves, but you would think it was some type of crime to do so. These teenagers will blatantly ignore everything.. their chores, you telling them to do their chores, and the trash or clothes that happen to be on the floor. This alone makes me wonder how can they ever even have an attitude.
To all the mommas out there struggling along with their toddlers, I can tell you it gets better. Between 5-10 your kids will be nice and sweet. They will love you so much and then the terrible teenage wave will hit. Every phase we experience with our children is special. It is hard at times, but I am so grateful to be here to experience all of the ups and downs with my babies. My oldest turns 18 in November and while I am proud of my young King, I am so sad to see my sweet little baby leave the nest. Us parents of teenagers are not okay, but we wouldn't have it any other way.
